Tsumi
by Shirohane
Summary: If you played God and lost half of your body or if your hands are steeped with innocent blood, can your sins still be forgiven? Mild and serious Roy x Ed.


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Disclaimer: The animation and graphic artwork Hagane no Renkinjutsushi is in no way associated with the author of this fan fiction. The work strictly belongs to Arakawa Hiroaki and affiliated companies. This work is for pure entertainment purposes. 

Note: 'Tsumi' means 'sin.'

* * * * *

Edward is asleep. Roy watches the boy sleeping. When he sleeps, he is a mere child. He is not a sinner, not an alchemist who have done the taboo. He is a normal child. But all too soon this image shatters as Edward opens his eyes. The golden-colored eyes focus on the ceiling, then turn to look at Roy. No words are exchanged. Roy keeps his expression neutral and looks at Edward struggle to sit up. The boy winces when he presses against his right arm and does not feel the softness of the blanket. The pressure triggers torn nerve cells surrounding the auto-mail to send pain to his brain, and Edward flinches, but he emits no sound. Roy does not offer help, because they both know that Edward will hate any kind of cheap sympathy. 

"Have you considered it?"

Roy's voice is soft, because the other child is still asleep. He does not understand why a metal armor would need to sleep, but he assumes it is his mentality that needs the rest, not his body. Whatever the reason is, Alphonse is asleep, and Roy does not wish to wake him up. Edward's eyes also flicker towards his younger brother, and then he looks up at Roy.

"You came this early in the morning to bug me about that?"

Roy smiles. It comes out more as a grimace than a smile. "I'm busy. I would like to go back to central soon. If you really would like to come to the central and work with the government, I would like to return today. If not, I'm leaving."

"Give me until this evening," Edward quietly says. He is not being quiet because of his younger brother. He is contemplating, his eyes lowered to the floor. "Even if my brother and I have lost parts of our physical body, our souls are still free. I'm still not sure if I want to sell my soul and become a dog of the military."

"If you qualify for it, that is," Roy muttered. He sees flicker of anger in Edward's eyes. Anger is good. Roy hopes that Edward will not become a nationally certified alchemist, because he is still a child. Even if he was forced to mature faster than other children, he is still a child. Once he becomes a tool of the government, his soul will be so trampled and abused that all the sparkles will go out of Edward's eyes. The eyes will no longer be gold; they will become dull copper. Roy does not wish to see yet another soul die out in front of him. 

"The test is hard. You are the one who first asked me about the nationally certified alchemist examination. If you hesitate like this, you are better off staying home." Roy narrows his eyes. "We do not need children. We don't have babysitters."

"Shove that up your ass," Edward bitterly mutters. He moves his metal leg and winces. He is still not used to having replacement arm and leg. The horror of losing his body is still fresh in his mind. He is still young, still innocent, and Roy hopes with all his heart that Edward will abandon the idea of being a national alchemist.

But that hope dies out when he sees Edward looking at Alphonse. Alphonse steers awake, then tries to straighten his metal body out. He is not used to such big and bulky body. He struggles. Even though armors do not have expression, Alphonse looks miserable, and Edward's eyes fill with guilt and pain. Then the pain is replaced with determination. Roy watches Edward gazing at his little brother and knows.

Edward will come. 

* * * * *

Edward stares at the starless sky. The rain had stopped, but Edward is soaked. He does not move from his little perch on the stairway. His wet hair clings to his face, covering his eyes, yet Edward makes no attempt to brush it away.

"Didn't I tell you to go inside? As I said, you'll catch a cold."

Edward doesn't turn his face to look at Roy. He shivers a little and curls his body into a tighter ball. Alphonse wants to wrap his arms around his older brother, but knows he will only cause his older brother to become colder. Because metals are cold. Because his body is metal, and has absolutely no warmth in it. So he gives a pleading look to Roy, and Roy understands. He pulls off his coat and wraps it around Edward's body.

"If you are going to sulk and act childish, go inside to do so," Roy says. He orders, instead of recommending, because Edwards is stubborn and will come down with pneumonia just because he can. Edward does not move. Roy picks him up into his arms and notes that he's heavy for such a small child. He wonders what it is like for Edward to have metal parts attached to his human flesh. The metal is heavy and cold. Roy cradles Edward against his chest, and Edward does not protest. But he does not lean into the warmth.

Roy sets Edward down on the floor, because he is soaking wet and he will ruin the bed's sheets. He turns to look at Alphonse. "Dry and dress your big brother. I do not know where he keeps his clothes."

He watches as Alphonse obediently does as told. Edward blankly stares ahead of him as Alphonse rubs his hair with a towel and pull off his wet clothes. Roy kneels down on the floor so that he can look at Edward in the eyes. The eyes are dull copper in color, and are grazed over. Roy remembers how he felt when he first murdered someone, and feels twinge in his heart. Edward had just been shoved from childhood forcefully into manhood, and he is not coping with the change too well. The loss of innocence is etched too clearly and deeply in the lost, childish face.

"It was for the best," Roy says. He hates himself for spewing bullshit, but he does so anyway. Edward needs to talk, to vent out his feelings, because stupor is not good. When loss of innocence is filled with bitterness and vengeance instead, life loses its meaning. "Nina was better off. She was no longer a human, and no one could have returned her to her original self. Death was the best thing that could have happened to her."

"No longer a human," Edward mutters. Roy relaxes as Edward finally talks. It gets ugly after the initial numbness wears off, but it is much better to face this bitterness now than to let it bottle up and explode later. "But her soul was still there. She was still Nina inside. What does that make Al? Isn't Al human?"

Alphonse lowers his face so that his face is hidden in the shadows. There is no need to do this, for armors do not have expressions. But Alphonse hides his face and does not move in fear of making a sound and making his presence known.

Roy's dark eyes darkens further. "Alphonse is more human than most humans, but the society does not accept such things. Nina was probably more human than others, too. But where does she fit in into this society?"

"Screw the society!" Edward screams, fires igniting in his eyes again, making his eyes molten gold again. His face flushes, and he no longer looks like a broken doll. Roy decides to provoke him further.

"Humans need society to survive, Full Metal. Alphonse is a delightful person, but it still does not make a difference that he is an outcast of the society. He would have been better off if you allowed him to die instead of forcing his soul to be tied down to this world."

There is a loud gasp and clank of metals as Alphonse startles and backs away, but the sounds are lost because Edward punches Roy. Roy does not flinch, because he knew the punch was coming, and knew he deserved it. He is grateful that Edward decided to use his left hand. Broken jaws are probably not fun.

"What the hell did you say?!" Edward hoarsely whispers, too angry to properly yell out his words. He clutches Roy's shirt collar and pulls him down to glare into his black eyes. Edward's eyes are beautiful. Roy leers at him.

"Being alone is the most cruel punishment that can be given to a human being, Full Metal. If you love your little brother so much, how could you have done such a cruel thing? He is all alone in this world, and he will always be alone."

"Al will never be alone! I'll always be with him! I love him with all of my heart, and I'll protect him from whatever shit the society might throw at us for sinning against God!" Edward protests. He's a child throwing a tantrum, a weak cry against the torrent of the cruelty of human society, and Roy gets annoyed with the child's naivety. He will only get hurt if he continues to reject the truth. So he leans down and clutches at Edward's cheek with his hand. Edward still have not lost his baby fat; his face feels soft under his slender fingers. Roy layers his lips over Edward's.

The boy's lips are soft and warm. Roy nibbles on Edward's soft lower lip, feeling the lips open slightly. He pulls away. There is a shocked silence before Edward swings his fist with his right hand this time, but Roy moves out of the way, mocking smile plastered back into his face.

"Will Alphonse ever feel that?"

Edward freezes. He stares at Roy before touching his lips with his left hand. He looks at Roy again.

"Tell me, Edward Elric. Do you truly believe that you can protect your little brother from his loneliness? That you can make him feel like a real human being?"

Edward glances at Alphonse, who hides in the shadows again. Edward lowers his eyes. "I don't care what you say," he growls. "Even if it's my selfishness, I love my little brother. He is the only reason I exist in this world. I promised my mother I will always look out for him, and I will never make him be alone."

Edward's eyes flash again. "I'll find the philosopher's stone no matter what! I will get back our real bodies! My little brother is all I need!"

Roy snorts in disgust. "Both you and your brother are still too human. You will never be able to get the philosopher's stone if you retain that much of humanity." He glances at his own hands. "After your hands are steeped with blood, you will realize that you have made a mistake. You shouldn't even have become a national alchemist to start with."

He leaves the brothers before he hurts them more. He had not intended to provoke the two so much; he had only wanted to start the spark of life within them again. But he feels his heart throbbing again when he remembers Edward's blank face. He is sure that his face had been just as blank when first blood stained his hands and branded him as a sinner. 

"I hate children," he bitterly mutters.

* * * * *

"What the hell do you want?" Edward asks. It wouldn't hurt to say 'hi' or 'good morning' once in a while, but that is his usual greeting. His eyes narrow even further with suspicion when Roy smiles back at him. Roy smiling usually is a very bad sign. When Roy smiles, the best thing to do is to run like hell and hide until the danger passes. But Roy wipes the scary smile off his face and holds out a box. A white, square box. It looks harmless, but Edward knows better than to loosen up his guard around the evil flame alchemist.

Roy disregards Edward's mistrusting scowl and hands the box to him. He watches as Edward puts his ear against the box, then poke at the edge to see if it would explode. "Where is Alphonse?"

"He's in the back room," Edward says, moving out of the way so that Roy can come into the house. "What's this stuff?"

"Alphonse's birthday present."

Edward frowns deeply. "What?"

"Today is his birthday, isn't it?" Roy asks. Edward nods, but the frown does not disappear. What does a person give to an armor for birthday present? "It's not anything lethal."

"As if I would trust you," Edward snaps back. Then he lifts his voice. "Al!"

A heavy sound of metals hitting each other, then Alphonse runs into the room. He vows to Roy.

"Good morning!"

"Good morning to you, too. Happy birthday." 

Roy watches as Alphonse freezes. The metals crinkle until Alphonse looked like he was flushing with delight. "Thank you! How did you know?"

"Government records."

"Aren't those things classified? I should report you for looking at personal information," Edward grumbles. Both Roy and Alphonse ignore him. Roy nods to the box in Edward's arm.

"Your present."

Alphonse looks as surprised as an armor can look surprised, then reaches out and takes the present. He places the box on the kitchen table and opens the lid. Roy had not bothered with decorations. Alphonse looks up, confused at the contents of the box, and Edward also stares at Roy as if he had sprouted another head.

Cake. A thick, luscious chocolate cake, choking with heavy chocolate cream and candied cherry decorations. White icing that spells out 'Happy Birthday Al.' Small, but very sugary and sticky and glorious to behold.

"I hope you don't mind that I made it too small," Roy says. Edward is now convinced that this man must be Roy's evil twin brother or an alien from another planet, because Roy Mustang is the last person that crossed his mind as a baker. Of chocolate cake. A very chocolaty chocolate cake. 

"What have you been snorting lately?" Edward finally asks. Roy lifts up his eyebrows.

"Meaning?"

"What happened to the real jackass Flame Alchemist? Where did you ditch him? Where is he right now?" Edward demands. Roy takes the cake out of the box and sticks candles into the cake. He snaps his finger to create a flame, and lights up the candles. He turns to Alphonse.

"Make a wish and blow the flames out, Alphonse."

Alphonse automatically obeys him. Then he backs away from Roy. Roy pulls the candles out and cuts out a slice and places it on a plate. He hands it to Alphonse. "I know you can't eat it, but someday I'm sure you can. I will bake you another cake at that time."

Alphonse takes the cake. He does not remember the last time he got a cake on his birthday. His brother and he had not bothered with cakes on birthdays that came after their mother's death. He feels like crying, but knows he can not cry. This thought makes him want to cry even more.

Roy cuts another slice and gives it to Edward. Edward picks up the cake and eats it. He is upset that the cake is delicious. He is upset that Roy baked a cake for his little brother's birthday and it's damn delicious. He feels tears stinging his eyes, so he furiously blinks his eyes to force the tears back. There is no way in hell he would let this jerk see him cry.

"Us three are all sinners," Roy quietly said. He had cut a slice of cake for himself, but he does not touch it. "There is unforgivable sin resting upon our shoulders. My hands are steeped in blood. You two will also experience something like that."

Edward mutely eats his cake.

"Sins can not be erased. You can not wash it off your hands like you can with blood. But it can be compensated for and forgiven, because we're humans and we're supposed to be imperfect."

Roy walks to Edward and places his hand on top of Edward's hand. His hand is tightly clutching the fork and trembling. "I know you're hurting because of your little brother, but that is no reason to hate yourself. You know that I convince the upper-ups to allow you to continue to search for the philosopher's stone, because I hold trust in you two. We are not allowed to be humans in front of the society because we will be crushed and die, but you can be free once you find the philosopher's stone and achieve your ultimate goal. Try to do that before you completely lose your humanity like me."

Roy turns to look at Alphonse with a crooked smile. "That is my true birthday present. To reassure you that you are still human, that you can still return to being a human. That your soul can still be free, unlike mine."

Roy's eyes widen as he feels Edward's arms wrapping around his waist. He looks down at Edward, who had buried his face in his chest. 

"Dumb-ass," Edward mutters. "You can still be free, too. Your sins can be forgiven, too. Because you're also still a human."

Roy helplessly looks at the child who is no longer a child. Alphonse nods. "You are most definitely a human. Thank you for the birthday present. It... meant a lot to me."

Roy lifts his head up to look at the Elric brothers. He wraps his arms around Edward's lithe form. His face relaxes into a true smile. When was the last time he was able to smile from the bottom of his heart? He doesn't remember. But there are two people who believe that he is still a human, that he can be free. So he tightly hugs the elder Elric, smile at the younger Elric, and feels the burden of his sins ease somewhat.

Because his sins can be forgiven.

* * * * *

Owari

Er. I was baking a cake for my Dad's birthday, and then suddenly I thought to myself, 'Poor Al. He can't eat a cake. What does Ed do on his birthday?' And then the idea for this fan fiction dropped down on my head and hit me, and pestered me and bothered me until I paused in the middle of frosting the cake and jot down the outline for it. Yeah. It was really weird. What am I doing, writing a fan fiction for a series that I've watched less than thirty episodes of?

Happy birthday, by the way, Dad. I'm sure you'll find it hysterical that your son is writing strange fictions in middle of making your cake, but you'll never read this fan fiction, so it's okay. This didn't turn out as Roy x Edward as I hoped, but that's okay, too. The idea that Roy might bake delicious cake came solely from the fact that he looks a lot like Kuroyanaza Ryou from Yakitate! Japan. Ryou is a very talented baker. ^^;;

Full Metal Alchemist is a really thought-provoking series... Ed, Al, and Roy all voluntarily become sinners, but I think they are sins that can be forgiven, because they are still humans. Even with half-metal or completely metal body, even with hand stained with blood of the innocent, I still think they can compensate for that sin. I don't think the Philosopher's Stone is the key to the happiness that Edward is searching for, though. Do your best, Ed! _


End file.
